38 Weeks

I'm due soon and feel so prepared...and again, so NOT prepared.  Mom of 3?  Can I do this infant thing all over again?  What am I thinking?  Those sleepless nights turn me into a mombie (mom-zombie).  Not to mention how tired I get of nursing the baby around the clock.  Is it really all worth it??  Yes and No I guess. 

The last 2 weeks have been exponentially hard.  I am taking a brief hiatus from VIPKID so I can relax with Jordan at night before the baby but Jordan has just lost his job and so now I'm torn.  Do I get the rest I need or do I try and fill my schedule with classes to help with our income?  I'm able to make money right now, whereas Jordan can't.  His hot dog cart has been broken for a little over a week and a half at this point.  I feel so defeated in my quest for happiness.  This will be the 3rd job change for Jordan in almost our 6 years of marriage. 

What is the answer to all of this madness.  I feel we will never move out of this house.  So trapped.  So struck with financial challenges.  How am I supposed to be a good mom when I'm so tired from a new baby and working?!!!  What if this baby doesn't take a bottle or pacifier either?  What if Jordan doesn't find work for several weeks.  Ok.  I'm going to stop before I start crying again.  It's all so unfair.  This is NOT what I signed up for.  But then again, life never asked me what I wanted.